Limitations

The boy seems to be getting better, though not through medications. We see a chiropractor, whom I love and trust, but I don't think it's her either. What I do think is helping is this: I've been gradually removing pressure and stress from my son's life. Over the past week, with almost nothing to "worry" about, he has had zero headaches. Wait - there was one - a very short one that went away after a quick nap. But essentially, he has returned to the happy, confident 12 year old boy he'd been at the end of the summer.

So now the question is, how do we add back some of the stuff he's been missing, and still keep him healthy. I think I know the answer to that too. I think I've finally accepted this child's limitations. Attending seventh grade, staying organized and focused on 7 different classes each day, making his way home and through his homework is almost as much as he can do right now. I may not be able to add back the other stuff for a while. Or at least, only add one thing at a time. And that is OK.

He may also need some help with the social aspect of middle school as well. From what I hear, and I've had many many conversations about this over the past two weeks, seventh grade is the hardest grade in this school district for several reasons. Social pressure and changes are not the least of them. The transition from a nurturing single-teacher school day to several serious teachers, whom expect kids to be responsible on their own is another. The third is the actual workload. Although, without sounding too boastful, my boy has no trouble with the material. He's as bright as they come. And each of the 4 tutors he had here (the school district provides home instruction to students who miss an excessive amount of school. Who knew?) agreed with me. This is one smart boy. A great reader. Articulate, creative, curious, interested. He sees connections. He "gets it." So it's not the academics I'm worried about.

Last year we were worried that he didn't take enough responsibility. This year, he worries too much. He told me this week that I showed him how he "has to worry. Or things might go wrong." I said that? Yikes. That's another thing I've lifted off him this week.

What I've realized about my boy Jack is that, along with his limitations, this child has many outstanding talents as well. And once I can examine and accept both his talents and limitations, I can lighten up a little. I can truly love and respect him for who he is.

We all know about a mother's undying love and affection. But when the love and affection is mixed with worry and reminders of how to improve, I think a child can sense it. The better, truer love includes acceptance and respect for the whole person.

And that includes his limitations.