And I don't have anything left inside me to offer as comfort and respite to another person.
I spent the majority of this week taking care of my 12 year old son who lately suffers from unbearable and lengthy migraine headaches. All I can do for him is pump him with Ibuprofen every 4 hours, rub his back gently and then basically leave him alone in the dark in his room. I'm dealing with doctors and school administrators to try to get him some tutoring to help him catch up on all the school he's missed over the past 3 weeks.
Add to that the enormous pressure of Halloween. Not for my youngest. She's easy. And not for the oldest, he was in too much pain to care one way or the other about his costume, (although, I must say, on Monday, before the headache really kicked in, he was fretting quite a bit about how his dracula wig, "looked like anime hair.")
But mostly, Halloween brings stress in the form of what my middle child will wear. This year she had her costume all picked out for the past 2 months. When I say picked out, though, I mean in her head. She wanted to be a "teen witch" and had seen the costume in a catalog. We'd shopped for the wig (hot pink) and witch hat weeks ago. She had the tights and the gloves. What was missing was the clothes. And I was in charge of that. I failed miserably.
This child had to dress up for Halloween four times this week. That meant four opportunities for her to torture me and remind me of my failures. I don't know how I remained so calm. But I did. And for the most part, and compared to how things have been in the past, so did she. As you can see she was adorable.
Last night was the 2-hours long trick or treat jaunt that is kid heaven, and that is the bane of my life. I HATE trick-or-treating. I hate the idea of it. (Begging door-to-door for treats! We should be asking for votes for Obama if we're going to beg). I hate feeling envious of everyone's beautiful front porches. And I hate walking around behind a bunch of kids, calling, "remember to say Thank You!" every 5 minutes. And I HATE the candy afterwards. It makes the kids greedy and hyper and sneaky. And this is why today was the worst.
Add to that the fact that my husband has to work on Saturdays again. Things are tight. It seems he needs to work more to get the same amount of money. But I need my Saturdays, man. I need them. I need to get out and get away from the kids and be with my peeps or myself or my yoga teacher. I need to get away, man. And when I don't, I just feel like I'm going to scream.
So here I am hiding out in my bedroom. Today I dealt with birthday parties, homework, housecleaning (as a family) and I made dinner. I sat peacefully through dinner. But after about 20 minutes, when all the kids were swapping dream stories with their dad. And the volume was getting louder and louder, I realized I had to GET OUT. And I did. And I feel much much better already.
I know how important it is to do things for myself. I know this. I just don't seem to have the time any more. There is just so much to do. Three kids. School activities. Schoolwork. Parent organizations and committees. After school activities. Housework, shopping, cooking, household finances, trying to make ends meet! All of these things have to get done EVERY day. Add to that a sick child who has to stay home from school, and I'm over my limit. I've just gotta get a couple of hours of "me time" every day.
Or I'm sure I will explode.
11 comments:
I can so relate. I could have written this. All I ask for too, is some time to myself, but I never get it either. I am hiding from my family now as I type. Sunday mornings while my husband has breakfast is prime time to sneak away upstairs for an hour. But I can still hear the whining, my house is not big enough to stop the cries.
Hang in there :-) . I can't say it will get better, but it can be a little different with some time away here and there.
And I don't know if you tried this for your son's headaches...my nephew had terrible headaches for a long time and he was missing out on a lot of stuff. They took him to a special chiropractor (who specializes in severe headaches and injuries) and after a few months it worked. And acupuncture worked for me.
this is one of my biggest fears about being a parent. I also need my solitude time.... no speaking... no whining... no screaming... no questions. I get it! I sometimes get alot of this BS at work... can you believe it? So much so that I will sometimes leave early! LOL.
I was thinking recently that women don't just give birth as a singular event nor is it limited to our offspring. It seems like an ongoing process that encompasses everything around us, and it takes a lot of energy and focus. Time to think and to be and to do what we do is a necessary thing, or we lose our powers.
I feel your pain, I have a child with migraines too. Usually brought about by too much sugar. We, fortunately, avoided trick or treating this year and all is well. I have cold beer in my fridge, you are welcome anytime!
My sympathies as well. I often feel the same way. We also did not do the trick-or-treat thing. After a day at school where they pumped my 5-yr-old with God-knows-what sugar and chemicals combinations, he was absolutely flying by 4pm and out of control. I usually don't give him sugar or artificial anything. I opted for handing the kids light sticks and letting them run around in the backyard with them until the sugar high burned out. No more sugar!
Thanks for all the comments, friends. This is what the blog is supposed to do - give us support and community.
He's got another headache this week. Shit...
Your children NEED you, jeeze, dont loose sight of what you signed up for when you became "Mommy". Everyone needs a little time to themselves, but your children should come first!
To anonymous: I have never met a mother who didn't ever put their children first. When you are a stay at home mom and dealing with children 24/7 it gets a little much and we all need a break. We, as mothers, never "lose sight" of what our children need. And, to be a good mother, we know when we need a break and we know when to ask for help when it gets to be overwhelming. There is also nothing wrong with complaining when you have reached your limit.
It says a lot that you make a comment like you did anonymously. What type of mom are you? Are you even a mother?
Sorry Mamacole for hijacking your blog to answer that anonymous person...his/her comment just bothered me a little.
Wow, struck a nerve, huh? I am a working mother of two and somehow am able to pull off the everyday madness that comes along with balancing a family, their needs, oh, and that pesky career...24/7. There is absolutely nothing wrong with complaining and needing a break, this post was more than just complaining and it bothers me when stay at home mothers complain about their "JOB", dont tell me there isn't "down time" that can't be changed into "me time" once in a while.
BTW, I don't have a blog, so didn't feel the need to introduce myself.
Anon- we try to keep it civil here. If this post offended you, I'm sorry. But I was just complaining and letting off steam and lots of my readers seem to understand this. I'm a pretty good mom, and what I do is a Job, so please don't belittle it.
I definitely have respect for working moms. You don't seem to have much for us Stay at home ones. We work hard and have our own set of challenges. If you can't appreciate this, than please find some other place to vent about it.
24/7, eh? I kinda know the feeling. I don't go out to work - my office is my home and there is always more to do.
Your anonymous visitor is sounding rather hostile. It's hard to speculate what their problem is, not knowing who they are. Maybe they're right about us stay-at-home moms, and maybe the working moms have the better answer. The right answer is so hard to find. Having done it many different ways myself for over 11 years now, I feel sure that it's all uncertain. I can tell you that I have a need for peace and quiet that is a mile wide, I really do. I have to say one good thing about working from home is you can have peace and quiet, work, and be around the house, too. I'm not sure that arrangement is all that easy to come by, though.
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